Ten Trauma-Driven Beliefs That Can Ruin Your Chances Of Finding Love

When girls exposed to complex trauma grow up to be women, they may find themselves in abusive relationships. Unsurprisingly, these “layers and layers” of trauma have adverse emotional, mental and physical consequences, says Shweta Kapoor, M.D., Ph.D., a Mayo Clinic psychiatrist with expertise in complex trauma. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing has been suggested for use in CPTSD treatment because it helps people safely reprocess traumatic memories in a different way. However, this is controversial in the evidence-based treatment community and more research is needed. It’s best to seek treatment from a licensed mental health professional such as a psychiatrist or psychologist so they can help you identify your emotions and patterns of behavior.

Someone with this attachment style is open to establishing trusting and close relationships with other people. They’re not hesitant about loving and being loved. They don’t avoid intimacy and tend not to depend entirely on someone else. If you or someone you care about has been exposed to repeated trauma and are struggling to cope, it’s important to seek help from a therapist who is familiar with PTSD. In addition to asking your primary care physician for a referral, there are many online resources that can help you find mental health providers in your area who treat PTSD.

Structural dissociation is a lack of cohesion and integration of personality. We are conscious of who we are, but inside, we feel completely different from moment to moment. In the case of BPD, this causes a high degree of emotional dysregulation. Similarly, relationships will move at a unique pace as you learn to communicate, prioritize consent, and discover healthy intimacy together. Your relationship may not look like your friends’ relationships — your milestones may be completely different.

Unregulated Emotions, Complex PTSD and Romantic Relationships

She had a rough childhood with an abusive dad and has been struggling ever since, falling into bad relationship after bad relationship. You suspect she’s drinking to deal with her life. Once he grew up, he was emotionally OK getting into relationships with women, because they would not trigger him early on.


You don’t have to settle for someone you don’t feel right with. When you’re dating, you’ll likely come across someone who has some things about them you might not like. It can be red flags, warning signs, dealbreakers, or even just a pet peeve. Don’t expect them to give you the parental love and affection you missed out on growing up.

Dealing with complex trauma

It adversely impacts their self-image, their attachment styles, how they interact with the world around them, their relationships with others and their relationship with themselves,” Dr. Kapoor says. In fact, research shows that many symptoms of CPTSD overlap with those of borderline personality disorder , which is marked by challenges in interpersonal relationships. CPTSD can result in significant behavioral, emotional, cognitive, and interpersonal changes. As difficult as these may feel, know that there are effective treatments that can help you work on the thinking patterns and behaviors that might be contributing to your distress. Complex trauma, which is repeated exposure to distressing events or experiences over a period of time, can be particularly pervasive.

Temporary changes in your consciousness can significantly alter your rational functioning, making you forget crucial events. You may feel detached from your memories, thoughts, emotions, or sense of identity. Our inner child manifests through our beliefs and actions and can have a negative influence on our thoughts, feelings, interpersonal behavior, and choices as adults. To heal, we must develop a relationship with our wounded self. Due to their history of normalizing unhealthy behaviors, trauma survivors often do not realize their families were dysfunctional.

Physical, psychological, or emotional wounds originate from an infinite number of sources. When it comes to physical injury, we can quickly identify the wound by the physical pain experienced or visual of blood. As a small child I was playing with a pocketknife outside cutting a monopoly board. It slipped and accidentally cut my wrist and blood poured out profusely.

They are just no longer relevant today, so we need to learn new strategies and ways of behaving in relationships in the present circumstances,” she says. If you and your loved ones are open to it, relationships therapy may be a great resource to consider, too. You might want to share the specifics of your traumatic experience or you may not.

Complex PTSD and borderline personality disorder. Support groups may help you and your loved ones. The CPTSD Foundation offers virtual communities that provide validation and support www.hookupgenius.com in an effort to promote healing. If you or someone you love has symptoms of CPTSD, you are not alone and treatment is available. Healing often takes a long time, but there is hope.

Being rejected as children by parents or caregivers can have a profound effect on adulthood, and intimate relationships. Here’s the science behind possessive behavior in relationships. How our experience with rejection and abandonment is deeply entrenched in our insecurity as adults, and what drives these feelings of jealousy and possessiveness in relationships. It turned out it the underlying problem had three parts.

They may experience a limited range of emotions or feel muted emotions. They may, for example, only be able to feel vague emotions, such as frustration or boredom, or they may block out dissatisfaction until anger explodes. They may adopt an overly intellectualized identity, acting stilted or awkward around others. It is not uncommon for people traumatized by key caregivers to end up with friendships, romantic relationships, and even work settings which are not good for them. They find people who fit their traumatic identity, even when they are trying to make different and better choices, leading to re-traumatization through repetition of the past. The issue of diagnosis for people with complex trauma experiences is challenging.

In structural dissociation, we are conscious of who we are, but we feel completely different from moment to moment from the inside. A consideration is that individuals with complex presentations of PTSD may not benefit to the same degree from evidence-based psychotherapies or may have higher rates of dropout from therapy . There are currently no published treatment studies that evaluate whether such approaches are in fact more effective than starting directly with trauma-focused treatment like PE or CPT, but such research is underway. Recovery isn’t easy for survivors, so celebrate even the small steps forward in the process as you grow together. Because eventually, you and your partner can build a loving, trusting relationship worth staying in for the long haul.

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